I'm No Good
by y0ungalaska
Summary: "I cheated myself, like I knew I would. I told you, I was trouble. You know that I'm no good."
1. Chapter 1

**Title: I'm No Good**

**Author: y0ungalaska**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes and ABC. I own nothing, but my ideas.**

**Summary: "I cheated myself, like I knew I would. I told you, I was trouble. You know that I'm no good."**

**A/N: So I've been working on this story. I'm about eight chapters in and I thought I'd go ahead and post it. I don't know how often I'll be able to update, but at least most of it is written, right? Right. So… yeah, enjoy :) Oh, and all mistakes are my own.**

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><p>"<em>I cheated myself<em>

_Like I knew I would_

_I told you, I was trouble_

_You know that I'm no good…"_

_(You Know I'm No Good; Amy Winehouse)_

Callie sat at the bar, swirling the liquid that sat within the glass. Her thoughts were somewhat all over the place; her emotions were a mixture of everything and nothing at all. It had been a long night. Hell, it had been a long couple of months, if she were to tell the truth.

Her thoughts wandered off to the place where she was trying her hardest not to go and within seconds, she downed the liquid and sat, stone-faced, as it made its way down her throat; the burning sensation a reminder that she could still feel something.

"Hey Joe," she called out, waving the bartender over, "another one? Double this time."

The man nodded from behind the counter, grabbing the bottle of Whiskey and a new glass before pouring up a double shot and sliding it down to the brunette. He watched as she stared straight into the glass, losing herself once again. Shaking his head, he walked to the opposite side of the bar and began tending to the other customers.

Callie rarely ever chose Whiskey as her drink, but when she did, most people knew there was something wrong. The problem was; she refused to talk about it. Actually, if you asked any of her closest friends, she refused to talk about anything. Her plan was always to drink away the pain until her body and mind were numb enough for her to go home, sleep it off and do it all over again.

It was a rare occasion, but when it happened, those closest to her worried a great deal.

The Latina felt her phone vibrate and looked down to it, immediately pressing the ignore button. Tonight, she wanted nothing more than to be alone; to enjoy her drinking and then to make her way home where she could strip herself bare and fall into a drunken coma until she felt the need to rise and do it all over again.

This is what her nights off had consisted of. Rarely would she drink when she had to work. Well, she wouldn't get completely shit-faced, but she would drink enough to relax. She wasn't an alcoholic by any means, but when it came to numbing the pain she was feeling, she would drink as much as she could take if it meant she didn't have to feel anything.

Once again, she looked over to her vibrating phone and sighed. She didn't even have the strength to push the ignore button. And so it vibrated until it went to her voicemail. Mark had to understand; he knew her better than anyone in this world. She knew that was the reason for his incessant calling, but when she told him that she wanted to spend tonight alone, she thought he, of all people, would understand that.

Sipping her drink, she chanced a glance around the semi-packed bar, taking in the patrons that decided to come in on a Friday night. A few of her colleagues were even present, ever so often stealing glances at her but never daring to approach her. Everyone knew, in some way or another, what Callie was going through and so they opted to give her the space she needed, promising to only intervene if and when things got out of hand.

But they never would. Or at least, not where they could see. No, in their presence, Callie was the picture of perfection. Although hurt, she would never let them see the real pain she was in; the way her decisions and the consequences they brought truly affected the brunette. No one would ever see that because Callie knew how to hold it together. At least, until she was alone; until she could break without someone over her shoulder, constantly asking her if she was okay or if she needed anything. Her intention wasn't to be mean, but what she wanted right now was to be alone.

Taking the glass between both hands, she swallowed hard, trying desperately to hold back the tears that were threatening, once again, to fall. Letting out a ragged breath, she brought the glass to her lips, tilting her head back, and drank until the liquid was no more. Turning her attention back to the bar, she motioned for Joe. "Hey Joe, one more double before I go."

"You sure, Callie? You've had quite a lot tonight." The man spoke with nothing but concern.

Nodding, she waved her hand as to let him know that she was sure and he did as she asked.

As she took a sip from her glass, she felt eyes on her. Turning to her right, she noticed a blonde sitting beside her. She must have let herself slip back into the depths of her mind because she failed to notice the woman sit down.

"Drowning your troubles?" Callie heard the blonde ask. Peering over, she realized the blonde was looking straight ahead, sipping on her own glass.

Timidly, the Latina answered. "Something like that."

Turning back to her glass, she waited, expecting the blonde to speak once more. She didn't and a silence passed between them for about ten minutes.

Finally, the blonde turned her attention to the woman beside her. "Do you want to talk about it?" She offered, glass to her lips, before taking a sip.

Callie let out a laugh that sounded foreign. "Not to be rude, but I don't know you. So thank you for the offer, but I think I'll pass."

She watched as the blonde shrugged, "Understandable. It's just that I've found it much easier to talk to a stranger that you'll probably never see again instead of talking to someone close to you. There are no expectations; no judgment."

Noticing that the brunette was now just looking at her, the blonde spoke again. "Would it be easier if I told you my name at least?"

"Why are you so interested in me?" Callie asked. She wasn't trying to sound rude, but the fact that there were so many other people in this bar and the blonde had singled her out, probing her, both interested and kind of irritated her. She wanted to be alone.

"You look like you need to talk." The blonde answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You don't want to talk to me." Callie found herself responding before her mind could figure out that her mouth was moving.

"I beg to differ. I'm here, aren't I?" The blonde smiled and for the first time, Callie caught sight of her dimples. This woman was attractive, to say the least. But right now, she was in no state to even consider the possibility of… "Everyone has their moments; everyone has times where they want to just… drink and be alone. And if this is one of those moments, and I'm intruding, don't be afraid to tell me to get the hell out of your hair."

The blonde waited and when she got no response, she continued. "It's just that you look a little upset." She finished her small speech off with a nod of her head before returning to her drink.

"I appreciate it… what you're doing, but I can't talk about it." Callie spoke. "With you or anyone." She whispered before finishing off the rest of her drink and pushing her glass to the inside edge of the bar.

"Ok." The blonde simply looked at her through squinted eyes, studying the Latina. There was something about this woman, she knew. She also knew that she wanted to get to know her, but could tell that the brunette was in no mood to indulge in anything remotely resembling a deep conversation. Biting the inside of her lip, she nodded. Before the Latina could leave, she reached out, offering a hand, "Arizona."

Callie looked at the offered hand, first confused, before taking it into her own. "Callie."

Arizona smiled, once again letting her dimples show, before retracting her hand from Callie's. "It was really nice to meet you. And you know, if ever… the offer still stands."

Callie let a small smile cross her features, "It was nice to meet you too, Arizona. And thanks, you know, for the offer."

Collecting her things, she made her way out of the bar and into the Seattle air. Sleep would definitely do her good right now.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is the shortest chapter I've written so far. Again, hang with me. This fic started out as an idea with no ending in sight. I just had a thought and began writing. So yeah... lol. Happy Reading!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2:<strong>

"_I will not sleep well tonight_

_I will not be fine when the_

_Morning brings the dreaded light_

_I will kiss the lips that say goodbye.."_

_(Home Is Me, You Are Mine - Everly_)

Groaning as she rolled out of her cocoon, Callie blindly reached over to her bedside table to retrieve her ringing phone. Opening one eye, she checked the ID and realized that it was her boss; The Chief. "Shit."

"Hello?" She answered, trying desperately to sound as though she hadn't been drinking all night and was just waking up. If the Chief was calling her personally, she knew something was up. Otherwise, they would have simply paged her to come in.

"Dr. Torres." He stated. She tried hard to get a read on his voice, but between the alcohol and just waking up, it was close to impossible. "Would you mind coming into the hospital? I need to speak with you."

"Of course, sir. Give me thirty." She spoke, jumping out of bed and quickly pulling out clothing. "Is …is there something wrong?"

The man on the other line heard the insecurity in her voice and he did his best to rid her of it. "No problems, Dr. Torres. We just need to talk."

"Ok, sir. I'll be in within 30." And with that, she hung up her phone. Running around her room, she stripped herself of the little clothing she wore, muttering obscenities into the air, before making her way into the bathroom to make herself somewhat presentable. Hoping against all hope that the shower would wake her up and revitalize her a bit. She hadn't even looked in the mirror yet, but she knew what her appearance looked like. She couldn't go in looking this way.

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><p>Taking in a deep breath, Callie stood outside the Chief's office, rubbing her hands down the front of her jeans. Upon receiving the call, she couldn't think of anything that would have her called into his office. It was almost as though she was back in high school and she had been called to the principle's office. Except now, she was older and he was her boss.<p>

Exhaling, she brought a hand up to the door and knocked three times. After a few moments, she heard him beckon for her to come in and she obliged, pushing the heavy wooden door open before stepping inside. As she let the door close behind her, making sure not to let it slam, she turned toward the Chief and watched as he mindlessly flipped through paperwork. Immediate panic began to settle in. "Chief." she greeted, trying to keep her voice as level as possible; the complete opposite of her insides at the moment.

"Dr. Torres," he began without looking up, "please have a seat." He waited until the Ortho Attending was seated across from him before speaking again. "Do you know why I've asked you here?"

Callie, in that very moment, was a bit taken back. "N-no, sir. I cannot say that I do."

Pulling his glasses from his face, the Chief rubbed his temple before finally making eye contact with the Latina. He could see, as much as she tried to hide it, that she was falling apart. The circles that had begun to make themselves known beneath her eyes were a tell-tale sign that he had made the right decision. "I want you to take some time off."

"But Chief, I-" she began to protest immediately, knowing that her job was the only thing that was keeping her somewhat sane, but was cut off just as quickly as she'd began.

"Callie, listen to me. I know that your job is very important to you and I need you to understand that, in no way, am I trying to take your job from you. I've already hired a replacement until the first of the month. This is not an option, Dr. Torres, it's an order."

"Chief," she pressed on, "I get why you would think that I need the time off, but I assure you, I'm fine."

Sighing, he caught and held her gaze for a moment. He didn't want to go into the why's, but it didn't see as though the Ortho Surgeon was going to let him off the hook so easily, "Callie, I know how- It's okay to need time to gather yourself, to get yourself together. We've all gone through things."

He watched as she opened her mouth to speak but quickly shut it when the words failed to leave her throat. "We were all there, Dr. Torres. We all experienced that moment together and though we- I cannot say that I know exactly what you're feeling, I do know that you're not as strong as you think you are. Those people, your colleagues, you may be able to fool them, but I can read it all over your face. So just - take this time off, deal with what you need to deal with and your job will be waiting when you return."

Inwardly sighing to herself, she realized that the man in front of her was only trying to help her. It was one thing for her to put on the act for her friends, to pretend that everything was okay, but when it came to the Chief, she knew there was no pretending. "Ok." She muttered, keeping her eyes on the floor beneath her. "I'll do it."

"Good." The sound of the man clasping his hands together brought her attention to him and she could see the concern written all over his face. He was right, everyone was there. Everyone knew, to some extent, what she was dealing with. And although no one felt the sting, the shame or the same pain that she did, it didn't mean that they didn't have an idea; that they didn't care. "Three and a half weeks, Dr. Torres. I better not see you in my halls unless there's an actual emergency. Dr. Stone has taken over as of," he glanced at the clock, "two hours ago."

"Thank you, Chief. Just… thank you." It was the only thing could think to say.

"We're a family, Callie. And we take care of our own. So go on," he motioned toward the door with a wave of his hand, "get out of here. I'll see you on the first."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I decided, what the hell, might as well post a new chapter. I haven't been writing on this one as much as of late...(I have this problem with starting millions of fics at one time) So it's safe to say, that I've been a writing machine...just not on the fics that need the attention. lol. Anyway, hoping that you enjoy this chapter. I'll post another as soon as I get around to editing it. Ok, enough of me rambling. **

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><p>Chapter 3:<p>

"_You escape like a runaway train_

_Off the tracks and down again_

_My heart's beating like a steamboat tugging_

_All your burdens, on my shoulders…"_

_(In The Mourning; Paramore)_

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><p>Saturday night proved to be something of the same. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Callie knew that she wasn't given the time off of work to wallow in her sorrows, but more so to fight through them and fix them. It was only the first night and she found herself, once again, sitting in Joe's bar, fixated on a glass of whiskey. The day's hadn't been so much of a problem for the brunette. She could handle the days, the rain, the rush of patients, breaking and fixing bones. But at night, the night was an entirely different story. The darkened Seattle skies brought with them a cloud that was constantly hovering above her head and no matter what she did, she couldn't make it disappear.<p>

Lost in her glass, once again, she failed to realize that her best friend had taken a seat next to her.

"Hey Cal." Mark spoke in a low voice.

Turning her head, she finally acknowledge his presence with a small smile.

Mark called out to Joe, ordering himself a beer and Callie another drink. There was no point, he'd learned, in trying to stifle the woman from drinking. Whether she did it at the bar or at home, if she made up her mind, she was going to drink. Clearing his throat he spoke, "Wanna come hang with the gang for a little bit? They kinda miss you." Pausing for a moment, he waited to see if she was actually listening to him and when he realized she was he continued, "I miss you, Cal."

Without speaking, she took the drink from Joe, switching an empty glass for a now full one, and looked back at the group of friends. They were all laughing and enjoying their night. Something must have riled up Cristina because she was now squatting in her chair, pounding on the table, trying to prove her point. If Callie were to be completely honest, she missed her friends. She missed being a part of something. But something within her just couldn't stand being around these people for long amounts of time. Not to say that she didn't love them, but they had all been there. They were by her side from the moment it happened until the moment it ended and they had witnessed her at her weakest. Whether it were embarrassment, or just the fact of not wanting to deal with pity stares and questions, she preferred to be alone.

Turning back to her best friend she spoke, "I'm gonna pass tonight, Mark. Maybe another time."

Sighing, he took a sip of his beer. He knew that his next move would probably end bad, but he couldn't just let her sit at the bar alone, lost in her own thoughts. He knew, just as well as she did, that it was the worst place for her to be right now. "Fine. Then I'm staying here with you." Before she could contest, he continued. "We don't have to talk. Hell, we don't even have to make eye contact, but I'm not just gonna let you sit here alone. So, I'm staying." Taking another sip of his beer, he turned back toward the bar and motioned for Joe to bring him another.

For a while, Callie thought the man beside her would finally, somehow, get bored of not communicating and leave. Apparently, he was very set in his ways and wasn't going to budge. Letting out a frustrated groan, she grabbed her drink, stood from her stool, and began walking in the direction of her friends. Stopping, she turned around, "Well, are you coming or not?"

Mark smiled inwardly as he turned and ordered a round of shots and beers for everyone before following in his best friends path and returning to the table.

"Hey, hey!" He bellowed as he placed the drinks down on the table and pulled up a seat for his best friend. "Look who decided to join us!"

Callie inwardly cringed at the way he introduced her as though she were a stranger, as though she knew none of them personally. It was hard to take, but the greetings came and went and soon, everyone was back to their normal routines. Sipping her beer, Callie looked around to the people she sat with; the people she knew as her friends. Cristina and Jackson were sitting on either side of Owen, desperately trying to prove a point and prove the other wrong while Meredith looked on, laughing and sipping her beer. Catching the eyes of Lexie, she saw the brunette smile at her and she gave her a small one in return.

Mark participated in conversation, but he couldn't help checking on the woman who sat to his right every now and again. He knew that it would probably get old fast, seeing as she didn't want to be there in the first place, but he was happy to have her there. "You good, Torres?"

"Yeah, I'm good." Callie answered giving his forearm a small squeeze. Truthfully, she wanted to get up and walk away. She wanted to be alone. But she refused to cause a scene and she knew that if she got up and left that's exactly how it would play out. She also knew that Mark missed her and as much as she missed her best friend, she knew that he would try to get her to talk about it and that was something she wasn't willing to do. Not with Mark, not with Bailey, not with anyone.

Mark returned with yet another round of one shot and one beer for everyone at the table. Leaning over, he handed her a glass, "I know right now whiskey's your thing."

She smiled at this thoughtfulness before taking the glass and sipping her drink.

"What, Callie? You too good for tequila now?" Cristina almost yelled across the table.

Shaking her head, Callie replied, "Never too good, Cristina. But whiskey treats me better."

The resident simply nodded, not wanting to make a big deal out of anything. Honestly, ever since Callie had come to the table, she'd been watching her, waiting for her to get up and leave. It wasn't that she didn't want Callie there, but she knew how her friend worked. Sharing an apartment with someone for so long, you tend to learn the way their mind worked and Cristina knew that Callie was all about her alone time as of late. No matter how much she wanted to pull her friend aside, spit a few choice words at her and walk away, she knew that right now was not the time. It was still fresh in her mind so she knew that it was still fresh in the Latina's as well, not to mention the way that the Torres' had treated her lately. She truly felt for the woman. It was as though things were definitely getting worse before they could start to get better.

"Hey!" Cristina held up her shot glass and waited for everyone to give her their attention. "A toast. To us. We're bad ass, we're hardcore and we can make it through anything." she spoke the last part while looking directly at Callie who noticed, but immediately averted her eyes.

"To us!" The rest of them shouted, clinking glasses together, before they all collectively threw back their shots.

The music blared loudly and the more drinks that were passed out, the more conversation flowed freely. Callie, although in her state of mind, was actually enjoying herself. She wasn't really much for conversation, but listening to her friends babble drunkenly seemed to help take her mind off of her current thought process.

As the door opened to Joe's bar, every head at the table turned to get a glance at who was entering. Everyone except Callie, that is. Just as quick as they'd turned their heads, they'd all turned back and engaged in their previous conversations.

Arizona had entered the bar with a few friends of hers from work. Teddy, who was a college friend and had also just taken a head position at Seattle Grace hospital, was to her right and Alex Karev, who she had only worked with for a month, was to her left. Teddy immediately spotted Owen, her long time friend, and the rest of the doctors and headed over to the table. Alex followed behind and Arizona behind him.

"Hey Teddy!" Owen answered with a bit of a drunken slur before standing up and giving her a hug. "Guys, this is Teddy Altman, a long time friend of mine and one of two new Attending's at the hospital." Everyone said their hello's and engaged in conversation. When Arizona stepped forward, Owen practically yelled her name, "Arizona! It's so good to see you again." The two embraced and it was only then that Callie's attention was on something other than the half full glass sitting in front of her.

"You and Teddy know one another?" He asked.

"We do. We're old college buddies." Arizona answered with a smile before sweeping her eyes around the table, taking in the faces that were now staring back at her. As he introduced her to the group, her eyes landed on the one woman she wasn't expecting to see again.

"Callie?" What was meant to be a simple hello came out as more of a question.

"You two know each other?" Alex chimed in.

"We met, briefly." The blonde stated, never taking her eyes off the brunette. "It's good to see you again."

Callie had yet to speak, but Mark noticed that the woman sitting beside him was actually smiling. For the first time in two months, she wore a genuine smile.

"You three should join us." Meredith's voice broke the silence.

"Oh no, but thank you for the offer." Arizona spoke again, her eyes searching the dark brown pair that never looked away. "Teddy and I going to the bar."

"Okay." Owen spoke. "You ladies enjoy your night."

Mark never let his eyes wander from his best friend who was staring at the retreating blonde. They may not have spoken to one another a lot, but he knew that Callie rarely ever paid attention to anything other than surgery as of late.

He would definitely ask her about this Arizona later.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

"_There's only artificial light here_

_My flaws hide well here_

_I used to be afraid of cluttered noises_

_Now I'm afraid of silence…"_

_(In The Dark; Flyleaf)_

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><p>Tuesday night's at Joe's had become somewhat a religion for the Latina. She would walk in, take a seat at the bar, and watch as the few patrons who frequented the establishment would drink themselves into oblivion and sing their heart out.<p>

Tuesday's at Joe's was Karaoke Night.

Callie sat at on the same stool she'd always sat, sipping from her glass of whiskey, looking around. She spotted a few regulars and a few newbies talking amongst themselves, having what looked to be a great Tuesday night.

She couldn't talk. She still refused to talk, but the one thing she had come accustomed to doing was getting on the small stage, accompanied by horrible background music, and singing her heart out. If she couldn't put what she felt into words, she could damn well put it into song.

Weeknights, there were rarely ever any SGMW colleagues around and she found that to be comforting. Not that she was afraid to sing, but not many of them knew that Callie had a 'voice like the angels' as one person had described it as. And so she sat, waiting and watching, listening and laughing to herself as drunks made their way on and off the stage, being rock stars for the night.

The Ortho Surgeon rarely allowed herself to go out on weekdays, with the job being all-time consuming, but Tuesdays were her night. She would go out, no matter what time she had to work, have a couple drinks and sing a few songs. It was the one night that she allowed herself to get lost in something other than her own mind. She would mingle with the crowd, cheer on the singers and for a night, Callie Torres was just like every one else. This was, in a sense, a sort of therapy; self-healing.

"Hey Joe, you got a book for me?" She asked the man standing behind the bar cleaning glasses.

"You know I do." He answered back before reaching beneath the bar and pulling out a binder that contained every song the DJ had in the style of karaoke. Handing it over, he asked, "Are you gonna sing the crowd favorite tonight?"

He knew that this woman was a long shot from being okay, but he also knew that on this night, Callie would come in and be a shimmer of what she once was. And on top of that, the crowd loved her. Since she had began participating, she had easily become a fan favorite and although the circumstances weren't the best, he couldn't help but be proud of her. One step at a time.

"Maybe." She shrugged as she sipped her glass and flipped through pages. The Latina was always known to mix it up every Tuesday night, but one song in particular the crowd always asked for and being the person that she was, Callie always delivered. "I'm thinking of mixing it up a little."

"You always mix it up, Callie." The two shared a laugh before he turned to place the clean glasses face down on the back counter.

Ten minutes passed as Callie people watched. She had put her name up on the list to get the ball rolling and was now just waiting to be called. She hadn't realized, but on the other side of the bar sat the blonde, casually sipping her drink, waiting for the right moment to approach her.

"Next up we have Callie!" The DJ announced and not long after, cheers and whistles erupted from the crowd. The brunette made her way up to the mic, drink in hand, and took a seat on the stool that sat in the middle of the stage.

"Hey, you guys." She greeted before setting her drink down on the floor beside her. "It's good to be back." If she were to tell the honest truth, the cheers and whistles kind of made her feel like a rock star herself.

The music began to play and before long Callie began to sing.

Arizona took the opportunity to switch her seat and as she made her way over to where Callie previously sat at the bar, she stopped and listened to the beautiful voice that filled the space around her. She was in complete awe of this woman and she hadn't spoken to her for more than ten minutes, collectively.

When she, Teddy and Alex had walked into the bar Saturday night, the last person she'd expected to see was the brunette. She was even more shocked when she found her sitting with the Attending's of Seattle Grace. Top that with Teddy actually knowing her and never mentioning her, she was a bit floored. But when they left the bar that night, Arizona tried her hardest to prod her friend for information. She wasn't sure exactly why, but something in her compelled her to get to know this woman. She wanted to know everything that she could about her.

Teddy didn't indulge much information. More like, she made Arizona fish in an empty lake. _"She's the Ortho Attending, she's pretty amazing from what I hear, and yes Arizona, she's a lesbian."_ That was pretty much the beginning and the end of the conversation. The one thing she did wonder was why she'd never seen the brunette around the hospital. Granted, she only began working there less than a month ago, but she definitely would have remembered that face if she'd seen it.

Before she could completely lose herself in the depth of her own thoughts, applause broke out and as she looked up, she noticed the brunette causally making her way back to her seat, talking amongst the patrons in front of the stage.

"Joe?" Arizona called out, remembering the man's name from her previous encounter with Callie, "Can I get another beer and tequila. And another whiskey for Callie?"

The man simply smiled, looking between the two women. It was very rare that matches were made within the confinements of his bar, but when they were he always saw them coming a mile away. Placing the bottled beer and golden shot in front of the blonde and then another glass in the empty seat next to her, he gave her another smile before making his way to the opposite side of the bar.

When Callie reached her seat, she noticed, first, a full drink and second, a blonde. Taking her seat, she sat for a moment before looking over to the blonde who simply smiled, raised her shot glass and then threw back the liquid contents as though she had done it a million times before.

"Never seen you here on a Tuesday." Callie spoke over her glass.

"Then I guess that makes us even because I've never seen you at Seattle Grace." The blonde answered back before sipping her beer.

"Why would we see one another at Seattle Grace?" Callie asked with a perplexed look on her face.

"Because I'm the new Head of PEDs." Arizona answered, again, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And you're Head of Ortho."

"I see someone's been doing a little snooping." Callie let out a small laugh. This woman was definitely surprising her, to say the least. Up until that moment, she had believed that their meeting was completely by chance.

"Not so much snooping. Teddy likes to talk. Well, kind of." Arizona smiled.

"Ah, right. You and Altman."

"You say that as though we're a couple. Teddy and I are not a couple." Arizona spoke cooly.

"No assumptions from me. I just remembered you two showing up together. Now that I think about it, you did seem a little chummy…" Callie joked, watching as Arizona's face contorted into a look of almost disgust.

"Me and Teddy? Chummy? No. We've been friends for years." Arizona waited for Callie to look directly at her before speaking. "Besides, she's not my type."

Callie was never really one to be taken back by someone's comment, but here she was, sitting at the bar and choking on her sip of whiskey. Was the blonde flirting with her?

"So," Callie straightened herself out, "I've never seen you here on a Tuesday."

"A friend of mine told me this was the place to come if I wanted to sing some karaoke. I haven't had a Wed. off in a while, but tomorrow I do, so here I am."

"You sing?" Callie inquired as she sipped her drink.

"I do. And apparently, so do you, Dr. Torres." Arizona smiled.

"What kind of song are you gonna sing? I can see you singing something like…" Callie placed a finger to her lips in thought. "Maybe upbeat and totally 90's." She laughed as she finished the statement.

"I'll have you know, Callie, that I am an awesome singer and 90's is so not my thing. I'm an old-school kinda girl."

"Really?" Callie asked, arching a perfect brow.

"Mmhmm." Arizona answered just as her name was being called. "Watch and learn. Let a pro show you how it's done." The blonde hopped off her stool and made her way to the stage.

Callie genuinely smiled as she watched the blonde scurry off. "A pro, huh? We'll see about that."

Arizona bound off the stage, dimples in full effect, thanking people along the way back to her seat. Once she arrived, she smiled at the woman sitting beside her and took a swig of her beer.

"Not too bad, PEDs. I expected something less deep." Callie smiled.

"I'm deeper than you think, Ortho." Arizona bantered back just as she heard the DJ call Callie's name. "Seems like it's your turn."

"You haven't experienced pro until you've experienced me." Callie spoke with a wink before grabbing her drink and making her way to the stage.

Arizona sat back, accepting the challenge, but also very eager to hear Callie sing again. She had to admit, the woman had a voice on her and it only made her more interesting.

As the music started playing, Callie closed her eyes and began to sing what she could never say aloud:

'_You wrestle with your conscience_

_To free your better self._

_But did you think for one moment_

_You could be someone else?_

_Between a rock and a hard place_

_Is where you seem to be._

_You've been caught in a trap_

_Between the devil and the deep blue sea'_

Arizona found herself sitting up, as though she could get closer to the performer, and tuning everything and everyone else out. The sound of Callie's voice, the lyrics she sang, the blonde found to be absolutely beautiful. She would even go as far to say that she was captivated. Maybe she was reading a bit too much into the situation, but she swore she could actually see the pain behind the brunette's eyes as they scanned the crowd, briefly landing on her, before closing once more.

'_You're in a situation,_

_Pray this time it will pass._

_But it feels like you're walkin'_

_Over miles and miles of broken glass_

_Painted into a corner_

_Where the sun never shines._

_Somebody's turned on the spotlight_

_You forgot to learn your lines_

_In the place you once called your heart,_

_There's a wound that's open wide._

_You can't hide_

_From the hurt inside'_

As the song came to a close, applause erupted even louder than the first time she was on stage, and Callie made her way back to her stool at the bar. Again, she found the blonde and another fully filled glass of whiskey. Without a word, she switched the empty for the full and made herself comfortable, leaning back with her elbow propped on the bar, looking out into the crowd.

"Wow," Arizona spoke looking over to Callie, "I gotta say, I'm not one who likes to lose, but I know when to raise the white flag."

Callie found herself smiling again. "You were good too, Arizona."

"Yeah, I was good. You? You were great. Awesome even." The two women shared a laugh.

As the night went on, Callie and Arizona spent their time talking to one another when they weren't on stage entertaining the drunken crowed. It had been easy to see that the two had now become the crowd favorites and they'd even sang a couple songs together. Arizona had tried to get Callie to sing 'Barbie Girl' with her and the Latina had even agreed, but when they got to the stage, Callie couldn't help herself and she fell into a fit of laughter at the sight of the blonde. Even though they barely made it through the song, the crowd was still responsive and applauded them nonetheless.

Joe watched on, from the opposite side of the bar, the entire night. He only interrupted the two women when they were in need of refills. He smiled to himself as he noticed Callie, for once, letting herself go. He knew there was still a very thick, very protective wall that she had placed around herself, but the fact that she was actually enjoying herself meant that she was one step closer to healing. "_One step at a time," _he repeated to himself.

"This was nice." Arizona spoke as she watched people filter out of the bar. The two women were standing just to the left of the doors, both in no rush to leave. Callie found herself actually enjoying the company Arizona provided and for a moment, she had completely let herself think about something other than her pain. The woman did a damn good job of distracting her.

"It was." Callie spoke before her mouth formed into a smile. "Thank you."

"Thank me? For what? Getting you drunk?" Arizona asked with a laugh. She had bought at least six rounds tonight, not that she minded.

"Well, thank you for that, too. But for… this. Tonight. It's been a while." Callie spoke as she cast her eyes downward to the ground.

"Hey," Arizona dipped down, trying to catch the Latina's gaze, "no thanks needed. Really. I had just as much fun as you did. Even if you couldn't make it through Barbie Girl." She smiled a genuine smile before standing up and wrapping her arms around herself to fight off some of the Seattle night air.

The comment brought a small smile back to the brunette's lips. "Well, thank you anyway. I had a good time." Looking around, Callie noticed that the parking lot was practically empty. Rationalizing her options, she concluded that she should allow the blonde to be on her way. She remembered Arizona saying something about having the day off and her first instinct was to invite the blonde back to her apartment, but the fleeting thought was quickly replaced with a sinking feeling. "I suppose we should both get out of the cold. Maybe I'll see you around?" It was a start, right?

Arizona squinted as she looked to the Ortho attending before plastering a smile on her face. She wanted nothing more than for the night to continue, but she understood if the brunette wanted her space. Nodding her head, Arizona spoke, "You're right. Maybe I'll see you next Tuesday?"

"Maybe." Callie answered back with a smile that only caused the Ped's surgeon to smile bigger.

"Good night, Callie." Arizona spoke, shyly looking down before turning on her heels and walking towards her car.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

"_Aimless days, uncool ways of decathecting_  
><em>Painless phase, blacked out thoughts, you'll be rejecting<em>  
><em>Lonely and the only way to beat it is to bat it down<em>  
><em>I feel as if I'm looking at the world<em>  
><em>From the bottom of a well."<em>  
><em>(Looking at the world from the bottom of a well; Mike Doughty)<em>

* * *

><p>Callie sat in her empty and desolate apartment. She had yet to move from the couch she'd been occupying for the past 36 hours and nothing or no one was going to change that. In front of her, on the table, sat an empty bottle of whiskey and she had just popped the top on her second bottle. Being a doctor and knowing that alcohol without food led to nothing good, she had ordered in yesterday and had eaten enough to sustain the amount of alcohol she knew she would be consuming. Back to the basics.<p>

Watching as her phone buzzed against the hardwood, she made no attempt to look at the Caller I.D. Seeing as she had been holed up in her apartment for almost two days, there were only a handful of people who would be calling. Mark, her best friend, had been calling every day to check on her and for an entire day, she placated him and answered his calls. That had stopped twelve hours ago.

Cristina had come by twenty four hours ago, just to see how she was and after seeing for herself that the Latina was still alive and breathing, she turned and left without so much as a word. Yang was never one for feelings and such and Callie, of all people, knew that. She appreciated the fact that Cristina had come by, basically told her she was glad she wasn't dead, and left before Callie could even register that she had been present.

The night before she decided to confine herself in the apartment, she had gone to Joe's for a drink or two. Two turned into four, four into six, and six led to her being driven home in a cab. She couldn't quite remember what happened after she lost count of the drinks, but she vaguely remembered Arizona's presence and the blonde offering to take her home to which she declined. A sinking feeling overcame her at the thought of the blonde. Something inside her told her that she needed to apologize, but for the life of her, she couldn't remember why. Sighing, she reached for her glass and at the last second, her hand rerouted to the bottle.

Exactly a week from this day, she would be scheduled to go back to work. Taking a swig from the bottle, she placed it back on the table and looked over as her phone began vibrating once again. "Can't you just leave me alone?" She spoke the question aloud to no one as she watched her voice mail pick up what had to be the tenth message in the last twenty minutes.

She knew why he was calling. The worst part of it all was that she knew that HE knew why she had been hiding from the world. Hell, everyone knew. It was the same reason that Cristina had showed up, unannounced, in front of her apartment.

Four months ago today, she had experienced the root of all her pain. Four months ago today, Callie had lost a part of her and that was why Mark was constantly calling her. She wanted nothing to do with the world. She wanted nothing to do with anyone. She wanted to be alone. Alone and in her feelings. She wanted to remember, yet she wanted to forget. She wanted to deal with it on her own terms, in her own way. She couldn't do that with Mark hovering over her, telling her that she needed to get it together. She knew that. God, she knew that, but it didn't make it easier; it didn't make the pain any less. The feeling of being helpless. She was a doctor and doctors were meant to HELP people; to save lives. SHE was a doctor.

Sighing to herself once more, she pulled the blanket over her body and up to her chin. It was all she could do to stop herself from going insane. It was a sense of comfort. For the first time in her life, Callie had no one to turn to. Well, at least that's the way she viewed it. Sure, Mark and Cristina were there as well as the rest of her work colleagues, but her family…

A tear escaped her eye as she thought about her family. The family who, all the while growing up, promised to be there, to support and love her no matter what. The same family who raised her to be the person she was today and when she told them that she was in love with a woman, turned on her at the drop of a dime. Her father…her loving and supportive father. She was a daddy's girl. She loved her mother and they had a great relationship, but Callie grew up a daddy's girl. Always following him around and trying to do the things he did. She admired the man so much and she had always respected him. She thought, coming out, that he would honor her in the same way but she was wrong. Boy, was she ever wrong. It had been six months since she had come out to her family.

Her mother. What a piece of work that woman was. Callie laughed at the thought as she took another swig from the bottle. Her mother, the woman who brought her into this world and had always shown her love, was the same woman who told her that she was no longer her daughter. Told her that she had no place in the family anymore and that she wasn't welcome back into her home. Thinking back, she remembered the look of pain on her father's face as her mother spoke words that still haunted her, "I did not raise you to be like this. You are an abomination and in God's eyes, what you are doing is a sin. I will not support a daughter who chooses to go against God's wishes."

Laughing. She began to laugh aloud, in the presence of no one, because if she hadn't she would probably choke on her tears. Her mother. Her mother had spoken words that would haunt her for the rest of her life and the look on her father's face as he idly stood by, without so much as a word, silently agreeing with everything her mother was saying. Was she such a bad person that even the people who swore to love and protect her no matter what, had now turned against her? Had she done something so terribly wrong that those same people could so easily turn their backs on her? Her father had called her a few days after leaving Miami to tell her that he would allow her to keep the money she had now, but would be cutting her off and she needed to make it last. His last words to her rang in her ears so loud, she could hear them reverberating off the walls, "We love you, mija, but we cannot support this. I'm sorry."

She had been cut off. The money was no matter to the brunette as she was a doctor and her salary was more than good enough to support her, but her family? Her family was something she could never replace. Before she knew it, Callie was clutching the blanket that lay on top of her as a deep and painful sob ripped from her throat. Pain; it was deafening and all-consuming. She had been holding on to so much for so long, thinking that if she just pushed it away, it would disappear. That wasn't the case. The more she pushed, the more she drank and the more alcohol she consumed, the worse it became. Finally at her breaking point, Callie sobbed well into the night. She cried for her love, she cried for her losses and she cried for herself.

A loud knock interrupted her sniffling and although she reigned in her emotions, she failed to move from her spot. As the knocking became louder, she heard a voice from the other side of the door, "Cal, I know you're in there."

When she refused to answer, the voice grew louder. "Don't make me knock this damn door down. I've been all over Seattle looking for you. Now you can open this door and let me in, or I can knock it down and your neighbors can call the cops. You choose."

Sighing, she slowly pushed herself off the couch and trudged her way to the door. When she opened it, she came face to face with Mark Sloan who, by the look on his face, seemed shocked at her appearance. She could care less about what she looked like, she just wanted to be alone and figured the faster she opened the door, the faster he would disappear and leave her be.

"I'm not in the mood, Mark." Callie spoke, turning to walk away and leaving him standing in the hallway.

Arizona, taking in the woman's disheveled appearance, stepped behind Mark. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, we barely know one another and I know that I agreed to do this, but …"

Before she could continue, Mark walked in the apartment and when he realized the blonde wasn't following, he turned and motioned for her to follow. Timidly, she walked in and shut the door behind her before making her way to his side.

Clearing his throat, the plastic surgeon caught Callie's attention. "I brought some company."

When her eyes landed on the blonde standing beside her best friend, Callie simply rolled her eyes. Apparently, no one understood the meaning of wanting to be alone. "What's this about, Mark?"

"We're worried about you. That's what this is about."

Callie laughed. "We? She barely knows me."

"It doesn't mean that I'm not worried," Arizona chimed in on her own behalf. Although the brunette was right, they barely knew one another, she had found out first hand that something was deeply hurting Callie the other night. It hurt her to see the brunette basically drowning within her own personal hell and she was a woman who fixed things.

"Right." Callie sat down in her previous seat and grabbed for the bottle. Before taking a drink, she looked at Mark almost challenging him to stop her. When he failed to do so, she continued on her path of destruction with complete disdain for the people standing in front of her. This was her hell and she wanted to drown alone.

"Listen, I know you may think that we're here to tell you what to do and how to do it and although that was my first thought, I'm not going to do that. One, because you won't listen and two, because I know it won't help." Mark spoke, taking a step forward.

"Good. I'm glad you get the point. Now, please leave."

Mark looked between both women before silently making his way to the door. Arizona had followed suit, seeing this situation as a lost cause, but was stopped before she could exit by Mark.

"I know that she seems difficult, but I promise you, you're the only one who can get through to her."

"What?" Arizona almost choked on her response. "No. No. Do you see her? Did you not see what just happened in there? She doesn't want help, Mark. I don't even know why I agreed to do this. She's right, we don't even know one another."

"That's why you have to do this. She won't listen to us. We were…" he stopped before saying too much. He knew what was plaguing his best friend, but he also knew it wasn't his place to say. "She won't listen to us, Arizona. We know her too well. But you? You're new and you're different. She takes to you well."

"Really? What am I? A new toy?" The blonde crossed her arms. She felt a pull to this woman, that much was true, but she'd be damned if she'd be put in the middle of this situation to become the brunette's punching bag. As much as she wanted to help Callie, she knew that she'd have to first want to BE helped and right now, it was the complete opposite.

Rubbing his temple with one hand, Mark sighed. "That's not what I mean, Blondie. I just see the way she responds to you and I think you'll do more good than the rest of us. Just… try?"

His eyes pleading with her, Arizona couldn't say no. "Fine. But if this backfires, you owe me a night of drinking, Sloan. And I mean an entire night."

"You got it." He quickly threw his arms around the PEDs surgeon before mouthing a quick thank you and making his way back down the hall.

Closing the door behind her, Arizona timidly made her way back into the apartment and stood in front of the Latina. "Well, looks like it's just me and you."

"Why are you here?" Callie bit. It wasn't that she wanted to be a bitch to Arizona. In truth, she actually enjoyed her company, but right now she wanted nothing more than to be alone and the only person preventing her from that was Arizona.

"A favor to Mark." The blonde shrugged as she took in her surroundings. "He asked me to try and help. So here I am."

"How about we both agree that you tried, you leave and I go back to what I was doing." Callie answered. It wasn't a question nor was it a suggestion. It was the nicest way she could tell the blonde to leave without saying something cruel.

"No."

"No?" Callie questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"No. I gave him my word. So no, I am not just going to '_agree that I tried_' and walk out of here. I'm here now and whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me." Her feet were now planted. She could tell that the brunette was getting fed up, but she couldn't just leave her now. She was here and she wanted to help and if that meant taking one for the team, she would do it. Call it a change of heart.

Callie sighed. It was clear that Arizona wasn't going to give up easily and honestly, she didn't have enough fight in her to go toe to toe with the blonde. "Fine."

* * *

><p>The time on the clock read two a.m. and Arizona, although she had the next day off, was just off a 24 hour shift and was dead tired. She had cleaned up around Callie's apartment while the woman sat in one spot and devoured a bottle of whiskey. Arizona had mentioned that maybe Callie should slow down and only received a scowl in return before the brunette returned to the bottle.<p>

It was now two hours later and the two women sat on opposite ends of the couch, watching reruns of some show that Arizona could hardly comprehend. Her mind was reeling and for two hours, she hadn't spoken a word to the woman sitting a few feet away from her. She had allowed Callie to drown herself and for a while, the blonde had even fallen asleep. When she opened her eyes, Callie was staring at the television with a blank expression on her face. Tears had began to pool in her eyes and even though the blonde could see her visibly fighting to hold them back, a few had escaped down her face. She didn't even attempt to wipe them away.

She had studied the brunette and for whatever reason, she couldn't pull herself to tear her eyes away. Whether Callie minded her blatant staring, she never showed it. She could see the pain behind those chocolate orbs. Not only in her eyes, but it was written all over her face and it took everything in Arizona to stop herself from moving closer and taking the Ortho surgeon into her arms.

Squinting her eyes and tilting her head, Arizona looked on for seconds more before opting to speak. "You can talk to me." She watched as Callie turned towards her, making eye contact but never saying a word. "Whatever it is, you can talk to me."

"I can't." Callie whispered before looking down at the almost empty bottle in her grasp.

"Can't or won't?" Arizona asked.

The brunette sighed, tilting her head back and allowing her eyes to close as the tears immediately fell. "Both. You'd never understand."

Raising her eyebrows, the blonde immediately challenged. "Try me."

With eyes open and now staring at the ceiling, Callie wiped at her tears and shook her head. "You won't get it, okay? No one gets it."

The blonde leaned back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. "You don't know that, Callie. And furthermore, I'm not everyone else. You don't know how I'll react."

Callie simply laughed at the statement. It wasn't that she didn't think it to be true. Okay, maybe she did, but she couldn't find a response so laughter had to work.

"You find something funny?" Arizona asked as she raised her head and turned to face the brunette.

"I just think it's funny that I met you all of three weeks ago and here you are, in my apartment, telling me how different you are from everyone else. You're making silent promises to me that you don't even know if you'll break or not." Sitting up, Callie reached for her almost empty bottle. "I also think it's funny that Mark sent you here because he's too afraid to deal with me himself."

"I don't think you could be further from the truth," Arizona stated as she watched Callie finish off the bottle. Her demons were deeply rooted within her, that was one thing Arizona had come to realize and this would be no quick fix.

"Really?" Callie raised an eyebrow once again as she set the now empty bottle down in its original spot. "Please do enlighten me."

"Mark sent me here because he knows you won't listen to him. Whatever it is that has you so… messed up and so deep within this darkness, it scares him just as much as it scares you. You're just dealing with it differently." Arizona watched on as Callie took in her words. "You can't say that he hasn't tried. And as for me? I don't make silent promises. If I promise something, I speak it and I follow through. It's who I am; who I was raised to be. So again, you're wrong."

Callie shook her head. She wouldn't tell the blonde, but she had made a point. It wasn't for lack of trying on Mark's behalf. Actually, the man had been doing nothing _but_ trying since the day it happened and Callie continuously shut him out.

"You don't have to tell me I'm right," the blonde stated with the hint of a smile, "the look on your face says it all."

"So you can read me now?" Callie asked immediately jumping back on the defensive.

"I may not know you well, Callie, but I know that you wear your emotion in your features. I've known that from the moment I met you. If you can recall, the reason I came up to you was because I saw the look on your face, the pain in your eyes. So yes, I think that it's safe to say that I can."

For a moment, the two women sat just staring at one another. Arizona contemplated pushing the brunette, but opted not to. She had seen how easy it was for Callie to jump into defensive mode and truth be told, the blonde was way too tired to argue. The one thing she did know was that no matter what, she would try again. There was no doubt in her mind that she could get through to the Latina, it would just take some time. The thought of investing herself in something that could possibly be disastrous crossed her mind, but when she saw the pain in Callie's eyes, she couldn't help but want to help. If her friends couldn't get through to her then Arizona would damn sure try. It couldn't hurt, right?

"Hey," Arizona spoke softly, "I think you're pretty much out of whiskey and it's late. Let's get you to bed." Rising to her feet, Arizona placed a hand in front of Callie.

"I can just sleep on the couch."

"I know you're content with this little bubble you've created for yourself here on this couch, but I know for a fact that couches are nowhere near as comfortable as beds. So, come on." This time, she didn't wait for the brunette as she grabbed for one hand and when Callie was halfway off the couch, she reached behind her and pulled her the rest of the way.

Walking toward the bedroom, Arizona placed one hand on the door, pushing it open and ushered Callie inside. Watching as Callie stripped the covers back, she stood awkwardly at the door, contemplating whether to speak or just turn around and leave. Opting for the latter, Arizona made two steps toward the living area when she heard the brunette softly call out for her. Turning around, she retraced her steps until she was standing inside the room.

"Stay with me?" Callie's voice was so soft and so full of pain. Arizona sighed, knowing that this could probably turn a bad situation worse but something in the way Callie said her name pulled at her heart.

"Are… you sure?" The blonde asked. Even though the room was almost completely dark, Arizona could make out Callie's silhouette as she nodded in confirmation and reached out her hand, asking the blonde to silently join her.

Toeing off her boots, Arizona climbed under the covers and sooner than she could realize it, the brunette had pulled her so close that she was pressed, front to back, with her arm lazily thrown over Callie's hip.

"Thank you," Callie whispered as her breathing evened out. Arizona lay still until she felt the brunette's breathing slowing down, indicating that she had indeed fallen asleep.

Tucking her head into Callie's shoulder, Arizona breathed deeply a few times before letting sleep overtake her as well.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**:

_"How long can you hold your breath?_  
><em>Can you count to ten? Can you let it pass?<em>  
><em>Keep, can you keep it in?<em>  
><em>Keep it behind lashes, can you make it last?"<em>  
><em>(Dreams; Brandi Carlile)<em>

* * *

><p>Arizona rolled onto her side, breathing heavy as she did so. She had fallen asleep easily, but after two hours, her eyes flew open and she had no clue where she was. When she realized there was a body laying almost fully on top of her, panic quickly set in before the events of the night came rushing back to her.<p>

Callie.

The blonde tried to remove her arm from under the woman, but it only caused Callie to tighten her grip. She lay there for a while, contemplating whether or not to get up and leave, but when she heard the brunette whimper, all coherent thought flew out the window.

Arizona lay on her side, one arm folded to support her head, and watched the Latina sleeping beside her. She studied as the brunette's chest rose and fell with rhythm. She watched as Callie's face tightened a little and then relaxed just as quickly. What could she be dreaming about? Arizona wondered to herself. Even in sleep, she could see the pain written all over her friend's features. Was she her friend? Is that what this was? A friendship? It had only been a month and they hadn't really talked about the foundation of whatever it was they were sharing. Granted, they barely knew one another, but on the other hand, nights spent at the bar had brought with them little information here and there about each of the women in question. If Arizona were to be honest, this whatever-you-want-to-call-it was turning out to mirror more of an actual relationship than a friendship.

Smiling to herself, she took a chance and pushed a strand of chocolate brown hair behind the sleeping woman's ear. Callie stirred beneath her fingertips causing the blonde to still her movements. As Callie inched forward, she lightly pulled at Arizona's shirt, tugging her closer before burying her face in the blonde's neck. The feeling of Callie's breath on her skin sent chills down her spine and although her first initial thought was to pull away, she placed an arm around the woman and pulled her in a close as she could. Closing her own eyes, Arizona deeply inhaled and lost herself in the rhythm of Callie's beating heart. Her mind wandered to what could possibly be going on in the mind of the woman who now lay in her arms. What had her so torn and so broken? Silently, there was a vow made between them, somewhere from the time that Arizona had walked into the apartment until this very moment, that Arizona would help her.

The sound of Callie's whimpers woke the blonde once again. Looking down, she realized that Callie had untangled herself and was now on the edge of the bed. Sitting up, Arizona realized that she must have fallen asleep. As she wiped the sleep from her eyes, she felt Callie becoming even more violent beneath the covers.

She was having a nightmare.

Arizona placed an arm on the brunette's shoulder and gently shook her. "Callie," she whispered, hoping to wake the woman without scaring her.

Callie mumbled something completely incoherent, turning away from Arizona. The small light coming from outside allowed Arizona to notice the sweat beads that were making their way down Callie's face.

"No… No. Please. No."

"Callie." Arizona tried raising her voice a bit, shaking her a little harder. The actions went unnoticed by the brunette as she began lightly thrashing from one side to the other, mumbling '_no_' and '_please_' over and over again. As the Latina turned toward her, Arizona realized that Callie was crying. Tears were streaming down her face at a rapid pace.

"Kat… please, no. Please… no, no."

"Callie." Arizona spoke, now with both hands on the shoulders of the brunette. When there was no answer, no response, Arizona shook her harder. "Callie! Wake up, it's just a dream."

"Kat! Kat!" Callie was almost screaming in her sleep, thrashing around in the bed and it took all Arizona had to pin her down to the bed. She had made the decision to straddle the woman in question, pressing her down to the bed hard enough to keep her from moving but not hard enough to hurt her.

"Callie!" Arizona yelled.

Callie's eyes flew open and for a moment, she had no idea where she was. The dream had been so real, she was reliving her past all over again. Blinking a few times, her eyes focused on the blonde who was now on top of her, nothing but concern shining in her baby blue orbs. Arizona slowly moved back to her side of the bed as Callie lay back, trying to labor her breathing.

"Hey," Arizona spoke softly, "you okay?"

Callie simply nodded as she stared straight ahead, hands at her side. Arizona noticed her body trembling slightly, so she lay back and pulled the Latina to her. Wrapping Callie in her arms, she felt the brunette began to cry and all she could to do comfort her was rub slow circles against her back and tell her that everything would be okay. Callie clenched at the blonde's shirt, eyes tight, and allowed herself to be held. It felt so good to be able to be comforted. She had handled so much of this alone, her pain was sometimes overwhelming and it felt so good to be in the arms of someone.

When Arizona felt the Latina was calm enough, she looked down to the broken woman laying in her arms and spoke, "Who's Kat?"

"No one." Callie answered as she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and moved back. It felt good to have Arizona there, but she didn't want to need her. She didn't want to need anyone. The fact that Arizona had even seen this side of her was too much for the Ortho surgeon to take. She didn't want to seem vulnerable, even though at this moment she was more vulnerable than she'd ever been.

"Callie," Arizona whispered her name so softly and the look in her eyes almost broke Callie, but she turned away at the last minute. "You don't have to be afraid of me."

"What? I'm not afraid of you." Callie retorted in a defensive manor. She didn't mean to snap at the blonde, but she was so on edge; her dreams were so vivid and so real and when she woke up, she half expected a different person to be laying beside her.

Sighing, Arizona rubbed at her temples. "That's not what I meant. You just, something changed from the moment you opened your eyes until now and I'm just trying to figure you out."

"Figure me out?" Callie scoffed at the blonde's comment. "I don't need you or anyone to figure me out. What I need is for everyone to get off my case and to leave me alone." Throwing the covers back, Callie rose from the bed and made her way into the bathroom, loudly closing the door behind her.

Arizona sat in the middle of the bed, shocked. "What the hell?" She said aloud to no one. After five minutes, the blonde sat, playing with strands of the blanket, wondering if she should get up and make a run for it. She had wanted to stay, wanted to help, but Callie clearly wasn't going to allow that to happen. So lost in her thoughts, she didn't realize that Callie had come out of the bathroom until she felt the bed dip beside her.

The two women looked at one another, neither of them saying a word. Arizona, because she was afraid that whatever she said would automatically tick Callie off, and Callie because she wanted so badly to apologize for losing her temper, but she couldn't bring her mouth to move.

"I'm sorry." Arizona spoke as she turned away, focusing on the wall. "I didn't mean to upset you I just…" Running a hand through her tousled blonde locks, she sighed before continuing, "I care. I don't know why, but I do. And when I care, I want to help. And I know that you're all about doing this, dealing with whatever this is on your own, but you're going to need someone there soon and I want to be that someone."

Nodding to herself, Arizona congratulated herself for one of her Robbins speeches. She was a speech giver, that's what she did. She performed big surgeries on tiny humans, she was a woman of her word, and she gave one hell of a speech.

"I don't need saving, Arizona." Callie huffed, but the fight in her had been toned down.

"You keep saying that, but do you really believe it? Do you believe that you can handle whatever this is on your own?"

"Actually, yes, I do." Callie answered with more confidence than she actually held at the moment and it surprised even her. Why was this woman so adamant about helping her? They were barely even friends. Yes, they'd had some pretty close to awesome nights at the bar and they'd shared a lot of information about one another. So much so, that it felt more like they were dating than just becoming friends. But still, why did she want to help her so much?

"I don't believe you." Arizona stated. And the moment the words left her mouth, she wanted to take them back.

"You don't believe me? Well, that's great because I never asked you to believe me. In fact, I never asked you to help me, to care, or to even be here."

Arizona watched the walls rise against her and knew this was about to get ugly. She had two choices: she could leave and let it all blow over, or she could stay and fight. She could do what everyone else was so afraid to do because they were afraid to hurt this woman. She wasn't afraid of it, she wasn't afraid of Callie, and she most certainly wasn't afraid of a verbal argument.

"You know what? You're right. You never asked me to. Funny, how I'm still here because I actually _care_about you. Though, I'm not really sure why because it's clear that you'd rather wallow alone and drown yourself. Forgive me for trying to be a good person and help you to help yourself." This time, it was Arizona who threw the covers back and got out of the bed.

Callie watched on, eyebrows furrowed. How dare this woman come into her home and try to boss her around. How dare she flaunt her dimples and her great life and judge Callie. "I didn't ask you to help me! I didn't ask anyone to help me! You don't even know me, Arizona. You have no idea who I am. I could be a damn serial killer." Ok, so that last one was probably pretty far out there, but right now Callie didn't care.

"A serial killer? Really, Callie? You're a damn doctor! You save people. That is what you do; that is what _we_do. So don't," Arizona exhaled heavily. This woman would pull at any and every straw to make her point, "no, just stop being so damn self-centered and think about other people for a moment. Did it ever cross your mind that what you're doing could be hurting the people who love you?" Callie didn't say a word and Arizona took that as her cue to continue. She was on a roll. "Of course not because that would mean that you would have to actually think of someone else for a change. You know, you're so quick to point out the fact that I don't know you, but the real reason you're so quick to push me away is because I do know you. And the other night at the bar only proved my point more because when I mentioned that I'd lost someone close to me, too, you went all bat shit crazy on me and told me to mind my own business and that I had no idea what I was talking about. Well, I do, Callie. I know what it's like to lose someone that you love. I know what it's like to feel like it's your fault and to feel like no one could possibly understand what you're feeling. I know what it's like to drown everything in alcohol and hope to God that it all goes away in the morning. And when that doesn't work, you do it all over again. You drink more, you pull away from the people who love you; the people who want to help you. I know you because, at one point in time, Callie, I was you."

Callie, always ready and willing to fight back, had nothing to say. She sat in her bed, half covered, with her hands in her lap and her eyes staring straight ahead. There was nothing she could really say to Arizona at this point. Yes, she could continue to argue, but what would be the point when she knew deep within herself that the blonde was right. It hurt like hell to hear and as much as she wanted to keep fighting, to keep drowning, she knew it would be futile.

Arizona stood in silence for a few moments, watch the woman in front of her fight back the tears that were threatening to spill over. She didn't mean to be so rude, to raise her voice, but when she began it was almost impossible for her to stop. And from the look on the Latina's face, the words that Arizona had spoken cut deep within her. Arizona could only hope that she had gotten to her as much as she'd hoped. Tough love was never Arizona's first option, but it was never out of the question. She had wanted to say something, anything to comfort Callie but after what she'd just said, she knew that the woman needed time alone; she needed time to think. Arizona slipped on her shoes and took one look at the woman sitting in the middle of the bed. It broke her heart to have to do this, but she knew it was ultimately in the best interest of everyone involved. Opening the room door, she quickly slipped out and closed the door behind her. Taking a moment to regain herself, she braced herself against the door as she heard the woman behind the door break out into a sob that could be felt from where she stood.

With eyes closed, Arizona said a silent prayer before pushing herself off the wall and heading for the front door.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Okay so.. I don't want to bore you will all of my excessive explanations, but I got a comment from an anon (go figure) and they had some less than nice things to say. And for a moment, I let it get to me, but I came to the conclusion that I write because I love it. I do it because it gives me life and I apologize to no one for the way I write, the ideas that come to mind or anything of the sort. I don't do this for popularity points and never have I asked for a review because it means more to me when it's given without being asked for. So, if you're reading anon... *naya shrug*_

_I know you may all think that Arizona was a bit harsh with Callie, but I think it was needed. Everyone is so used to walking on eggshells around her, I thought it was time for a little tough love and it came in the form of Arizona Robbins. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. I mean that sincerely. _


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